The Ten Commandments Of The Female Ned
1. Four pairs of scrunchie socks must be worn under joggies rolled up
to masquerade as cropped trousers.
2. Hair must be so tightly scraped back from the face that one cannot
blink.(one also must slather the hair in various flammable hair
products for that solid look)
3. A plethora of neon bobbles must adorn the hair tied into a large bun
at the base of the neck. 7 or more is standard. coloured hair mascara
in a co-ordinating shade to the tick on your trainers can be used on
special occasions, like the birth of your pal's child.
4. You must chew gum like a cow posessed by a goat.
5. You must yell like a harpy at every man that walks by, and growl
like the hound that you are at every respectable female in the
vicinity - either way, make a public nuisance of yourself.
6. You must carry a small child at all times, preferably your own.
7. You must wear more gold around your neck than a mister T convention.
if it damages your posture, all the better. neds have crooked spines,
that is the way of the ned.
8. You must brag about the number of sexual acts you have performed on
the climbing frame in the local park. if it is less than ten per friday
night, you must take action to boost your slapper status.
9. You must shoplift from topshop.
10. You must drink cheap cider and watermelon breezers. on the special
occasions cited above, you may splash out on a quarter bottle of vodka.
Commandments to be emblazoned in inch thick gold lettering to be
suspended from the neck of a baseball capped white socked track suited
smartarsed little fuck.
It made me smile so enjoy....
NED POEMS