NED POEMS
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Mad Ned Poem
ONE OF THE MOST WELL KNOWN FEATURES OF GLASGOW AND ALSO ONE OF THE MOST DISLIKED FEATURES IS THE FAMOUS GLESGA NEDS FOR ALL YOU TOURISTS OUT THERE I WILL EXPLAIN TAE YOU EXACTLY WHAT A NED IS.BEING AN EX NED MYSELF I AM ABLE TO FULLY DESCRIBE THE ANTICS ME AND MY STUPID CHILDHOOD FRIENDS GOT UP TO.FIRST OF ALL NEDS (Non Educated Delinquents) ARE USUALLY BOYS (OR SOMETIMES GIRLS)WHO COME FROM POORER AREAS OF GLASGOW e.g. POSSIL,MILTON,EASTERHOUSE... THEY RANGE IN AGE FROM ABOUT 10-19.THEY USUALLY HANG ABOUT THIER AREAS IN GANGS WHICH WILL FIGHT AGAINST OTHER NED GANGS FROM NEARBY SCHEMES THEY USUALLY NAME THE GANGS AFTER THIER HOUSING SCHEME e.g.YOUNG POSSIL FLEETO,YOUNG MARYHILL FLEETO AND SO ON SO ON...AND IT IS COMMONPLACE IN GLASGOW TAE SEE GANG NAMES SCRAWLED ONTO WALLS.ANOTHER TYPE OF GRAFFITTI IS THE MENCHIE THIS COMES FROM THE WORD MENTION THIS IS WHEN NEDS WILL WRITE THIER NAME AND MAYBE GANG SLOGANS ON WALLS. ATTIRE:NOW THE NEDS OF GLASGOW USUALLY WEAR SPORTS CLOTHES ESPECIALLY THE FAMOUS JACKET (MEAPEAK) AND TRACKSUITS THEY CAN ALSO BE SEEN WEARING BASEBALL CAPS POINTED UP AT A WIERD ANGLE ALSO AN OLD FAVOURITE OF MINE WAS STEALING CAPS FROM OTHER NEDS TO EITHER SELL IT OR WEAR IT THIS HAPPENS QUITE ALOT AMONGST GLESGA NEDS.SOMETIME NEDS CAN ALSO BE SEEN WEARING JEWELLRY LIKE CHAINS OR BRACELETS BUT THE WELL KNOWN TRADEMARK OF A NED HAS GOT TAE BE SOVERIEGN RINGS OR "SOVVIES" AS THEY ARE SOMETIMES KNOWN.ALTHOUGH THIS DISNAE NECESSARILY MEAN THAT ANYBODY WHO WEARS SPORTS CLOTHES AND JEWELLRY IS A NED. MOST NEDS WILL HANG ABOUT AND FIGHT OR AT THE WEEKEND GO TAE LOCAL U18 CLUBS ALSO KNOWN AS "THE DANCIN" THE NEDS WILL PROBABLY FILL UP ON CHEAP BOOZE LIKE BUCKFAST(BUCKIE),PULSE CIDER,OR MD 2020 (MAD DOG). AFTER A FEW FIGHT IN THE DANCIN THE NEDS WILL USUALLY FIGHT OUTSIDE AND IT IS QUITE COMMON TAE SEE SOMEONE LEFT SERIOUSLY INJURED AFTER A BRAWL.

 



 

The Ten Commandments Of The Female Ned

1. Four pairs of scrunchie socks must be worn under joggies rolled up

to masquerade as cropped trousers.

 

2. Hair must be so tightly scraped back from the face that one cannot

blink.(one also must slather the hair in various flammable hair

products for that solid look)

 

3. A plethora of neon bobbles must adorn the hair tied into a large bun

at the base of the neck. 7 or more is standard. coloured hair mascara

in a co-ordinating shade to the tick on your trainers can be used on

special occasions, like the birth of your pal's child.

 

4. You must chew gum like a cow posessed by a goat.

 

5. You must yell like a harpy at every man that walks by, and growl

like the hound that you are at every respectable female in the

vicinity - either way, make a public nuisance of yourself.

 

6. You must carry a small child at all times, preferably your own.

 

7. You must wear more gold around your neck than a mister T convention.

if it damages your posture, all the better. neds have crooked spines,

that is the way of the ned.

 

8. You must brag about the number of sexual acts you have performed on

the climbing frame in the local park. if it is less than ten per friday

night, you must take action to boost your slapper status.

 

9. You must shoplift from topshop.

 

10. You must drink cheap cider and watermelon breezers. on the special

occasions cited above, you may splash out on a quarter bottle of vodka.

Commandments to be emblazoned in inch thick gold lettering to be

suspended from the neck of a baseball capped white socked track suited

smartarsed little fuck.

 

It made me smile so enjoy....

 

 


 


 



 




 



Ned Poem